Wednesday, October 13, 2004

Vulgarity is in the mind of the beholder...

I am tired of the promiscuity in the Gay Community. I am tired of people who makes of sex nothing but a way to release themselves. The expression "make love" has no meaning at all. Actually, I think if you say it in a sentence people will either laugh at you or not understand. I feel like I can't fit in. Don't get me wrong! I am no angel and I had my casual sex moments. Who hasn't??? My battle is not against casual sex. It's about the banalization of the act, it's about empty people whose lives revolve on F%cking. The more they do it, the more they want to do it AND the more it becomes disposable. It is just funny to see these people asking themselves why they don't have a boyfriend. It's all about self-respect and self-steam.
I am sure many people think I am prude. But hellloooo!!! I call it family values, romanticism, principles. You name it whatever you want, fucker!!! Yes, at this point in my life I am against open relationships, "play together", P&P, orgies or whatever "motion" that avoids emotion.
Validation is the name of the game. People need to feel desired and they think that having sex left and right will make them feel better. But guess what? when it's over, with no sentiment it feels pointless. It is like: "Who are you? What am I doing?". In the other hand, I can stress there is nothing better than sleeping hugging someone you love after sex. There is a feeling of security and completion.
On the same note, how can we ever fight for the right of marriage, affirm that our love is as legitimate as the love straight people feel ? When it seems like all gay relationships are destined to failure. How can we fight for the right of raising children when the "gay love" will end in a matter of time, or should I say a matter of a "nicer ass"? It seems like no gay person will ever be satisfied with having a monogamous relationship for good... They are so afraid of up's & downs, communication, commitment. That is so frustrating!
Don't get me wrong. If there is no more passion and love in a relationship, I will be the first one to support a separation, rather than staying together in a hypocrite unfaithful partnership portraying the kind of image that gays are promiscuous, deceitful, unloyal, unhealthy and disrespectful. I am for the one-on-one, for the search of love and romance, therefore I cannot support those who stay together for comfort either.
I would say there is a fine line between vulgarity versus sensuality; promiscuity versus frivolity ; libertinism versus liberalism. In my perspective, a person who can differ the first from the second is someone whorthy getting to know. Someone who understands myself and my convictions, therefore someone who deserves my respect.

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

Michelle, ma Belle

I don't like my work. It's not challenging enough. From time to time two assignments show up at the same time and makes it a little bit more exciting. However if there is one thing that motivates me to wake up every morning, besides the money, is the great environment that FDAE has. I am glad to work in a firm where I have such great relationship with all kinds of workers, from Studio Directors to Administrative Assistants like me.
There is someone that I would like to give some special attention in this article. Michelle came into the company about 2 months ago with the difficult task of assiting the Principal of the company. Just before her, another lady had been there for about a month and developed the abbility of scare everybody away with her bad manners and rude language. We happened to share one cubicle where sit with back to her. I have to say I was afraid of that arrengement. I could see some Kathy Bates on "Misery" whenever she flipped out because something went wrong. On fridays, she would come with her big baseball t-shirts, which would cover almost her whole body. Sometimes, I felt like she was gonna get a bat and hit me on the head. I remember one Monday I got to work and she had changed her haircut from a straightened one to a very short curly, as if it had been on fire the day before. I regret making a comment. She didn't talk to me for several days. I swear it was not a bad comment.
Anyways, Michelle came just after and with no trainning at all, showed she "got game". We hit it off in the first day. She was sweet and funny. Workwise, I would say she is the whole model of what an executive assistant should be, very cordial, fast, smart and pleasant. It didn't take too long for people to fall in love with her, specially the guys, if you know what I mean, "uhummmmm". In addition to being a very beautiful lady, Michelle is sexy, educated, FUN. She knows when she can laugh loud and say the silliest things and when it's time to behave. She makes the workplace a real joy, always joking around and making everybody happy. She has the looks of a "Steford Wife" and the charisma of Lucy (I love Lucy).
One day, I looked at her and she is wearing one of these old shining red stickers on her shirt. It said: "FDAE: 40 years blah blah". I asked her why she was wearing that and she tells me because she had worked hard she deserved a reward. Immediately she glued one on my shirt and another one on my manager's shirt. That was sooo funny. Then we created a secret club. Whoever had the sticker in the computer were people who once got that award for working hard and being a good employee.
See, one of the qualities that I most admire on a person is the abillity of laughing at themselves. Usually those people are able to revert negative situations into something good. They usually have a very positive outlook in life. Michelle is very much like that. Kudos to her! She reminds me one of my best friends back in Brasil, Tais Rafaela, who I have hopes that one day is gonna become one of the best comedy acresses of my country.

Sunday, October 10, 2004

Garden State

This weekend was an unusual one for me... I guess I was very Hot and Cold, for personal reasons. On saturday, I spent the morning cleaning and as it didn't help me with all the anxiety I was feeling, I decided to go to the movies. Nothing better than a good film to... Hum, make me even more emotional... hehehe
I picked "Garden State", which I had heard great critics from Ismail. When the film finished I called Randy and then Adam. I had to share what I was feeling with someone. I could not. I dialed Randy and he didn't pick up. I tried leaving a message, but the air felt "rarefied" and I could not speak. Later on Randy told me he thought I had a bad connection. I caught my breath and tried Adam. He picked up and again the level of Oxygen decreased... I was like: " I just saw Garden State (pause)... It was awesome (pause)". Adam: " Are you okay?". " Are you crying?", "is it because of the film? Hummm, Let me remember the scenes". I go "Stop asking stupid questions...". I cried in many films, actually I am a big "butter", but I remember crying that much AFTER a film only when I was seven on "E.T." I was walking out the theater with my mother and sister when suddenly I started crying. All the people staring at me as in "What the fuck is wrong with this kid?" I remember my mother kept on asking why and I didn't know what to say... hehehe
My point is, "Garden State" is not the best film I have ever seen and I will possibly forget about it with time, but at this point in time I can relate to the situations as if they were mine. Natalie Portman is a great promising actress. She caught my attention a while back when she was much younger and protagnized "The Professional" with Jean Reno. On "Garden State", she still shows her sweet and innocent personality, playing a character that is too charismatic in a way that anyone will fall in love with. I also like the dialogues. They are at the same time actual and intelligent. Many of the conversations and situations are very real and one could relate easily. It is an original film, with an awesome soundtrack and very contemporary issues. I would say it is mostly about different kinds of relationships and choices one has to make. I would give it a B+.